So my day didn't exactly start off well. It started at 0.00 because I actually kept Dennis up till midnight for pretty much the first time, while before that I told him I never kept him up till midnight and yeah, this sucks. So... I don't even know what to do about it.
Also, I'm jealous as hell. So yeah, it's Valentine's day. Nothing special has ever happened to me on Valentine's day, because people simply don't like me. So this is the first Valentine's day when I do have a boyfriend, but who knows what happens. Nothing special, because we live too far away from each other. The point is more that we fought again yesterday so I have no idea what's going to happen today. I do have a bad feeling about it, to be honest.
But now the reason why I'm jealous: Joy has a valentine now, she asked Colin, a friend from Elise, she's had a crush on him for about two months now, and she finally did something. And he said yes, like I said before. And I'm so jealous, because such things will never happen to me, I won't have that special day when someone will ask me if I want to be his/her valentine and that I would actually have a day full of love and what not. I hate this, I feel so empty. I always feel empty when I break up with someone, or when someone breaks up with me, which is not the case right now, I hope... But right now I just feel empty because I'm so jealous. I'm thinking of how much Joy and Colin could do together, and they're planning on going on a date too, and I'm just sitting here, totally empty because Dennis lives too far away to do anything at all... No hugs, no kisses, no having fun while being together, nothing. And it kills me, it really does. It kills me that I know we won't be together for about three years, and I hate it with all my heart. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy too, and I don't know what to do at all. What if it would all end? What would you do?
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