Nervous for tomorrow.

So, tomorrow I'll be going to my grandparents. The last time I was there, was one year ago, I believe. They sent us a letter, because... Once, on my birthday, no one showed up because they had 'something better to do', something that didn't make sense at all. So my mom got pissed, and ever since then she never went to her parents anymore, because she was that pissed off. My brother and I still went to parties, but now it appears that my grandma kinda talked about me behind my back. She always asked my brother why I barely ever talked. Well, how the heck can my brother know that? Why can't you freaking ask me? I'm standing RIGHT HERE, so why go to my brother, while /I/ am the one you should go to? THAT pisses me off. :/ I'm the one who doesn't talk, and I know better why than my brother.

Feeling horrible.

I'm feeling really terrible right now. It's like everything is against me... It's not really going great in school, and since Monday I feel really sick. I have a sore throat, a stomach ache, a cold and my back hurts, too. Guess my body doesn't really like me. But I guess no one can see that I really feel bad. :/
And I keep thinking about Loano2, I really can't wait for the Summer vacation right now, like, I wanna go there so badly right now. :c

Feeling terrible.

Right now, I'm feeling really terrible. I just don't know why. This morning I woke up at 7 as usual, but I was so tired that I lay on my bad for 20 minutes, doing nothing special. I always leave at 8 and I mostly make a bit homework after I had breakfast. And today, I had only 10 minutes to finish my homework. It's that I had finished pretty much everything. :/ But anyway, this morning I felt just fine. Nothing was wrong, only that I really didn't feel like standing up to go to school. And the entire day, I didn't feel bad. Until about 2 hours ago, I suddenly started to feel really bad and I don't know why. And I don't mean physically, physically I'm feeling just fine. But mentally, I feel terrible. :S I wanna know why, but well...
And I really want to take dance lessons again. Not modern dance again, I want to do HipHop, and I found a dance studio about 10 minutes away from here, so I could actually dance there. I'd be in the group from 15 - 18 if I'd join next year. But it seems really cool to me. I'm just... I don't know how to ask my parents... This year, I wanted to join piano class, but now I figured out that I just love playing the piano, but I don't like the lessons. And now, my mom took over the lessons. And obviously, with dancing my mom wouldn't take the lessons over. I probably said this before, but it really starts to bother me now. :/

Happy happy me.

So, I didn't update my blog in a few weeks, while there happened a few things. For example, yeah: I'm going back to Loano2 for 2 weeks in the Summer vacation. <3 Totally can't wait, so exacted to go there.
But the bad news is, LOVE IS DAMN COMPLICATED. Yes it is. I totally don't know it anymore. I mean, I know I'm in love with Nicola. Yesterday I watched this hypnosis thingy, and it really was a trick, in the end the person did that scary face thingy with the screaming voice. I totally freaked out, but I was on my phone so then I saw Nicola's face and then I calmed down straight away. ^.^ But the thing is, there might be another guy I'm in love with. I just don't know it right now. ;-;
And it's all going quite good in school right now. Only 4 more weeks and then: VACATIOOOON~. I really can't wait already. I need it. xD

Zero friends left.

It really feels as if I have no friends at all right now. Loes and Luzzie never talk to me anymore, Dennis never talks to me anymore too (He's barely ever online o.O) and Nicola... Well I don't know, it's just.. His phone is stolen and he's not going to buy a new one anytime soon, because he doesn't have the money for it. And since he's not online everyday, the distance between us... It feels like it's growing and it's so freaking annoying. I don't want to lose him. D:
I just want to start all over again, but obviously, I can't. I totally screwed up my life and now I can't get it back, I can't make my life the way I want it to be anymore. :( God damn it, I hate myself right now. Why did I screw up my life? It's just so stupid.
I just want to move away, to a total different country, and then start all over again there, with my family. Well, with my parents and with my brother, not with the rest of my family. But of course, my brother is going to school in Tilburg, and he likes it quite much. Also, my parents don't want to move. I didn't ask them, but I'm sure they don't want to move. After all, we're not rich, so yeah. But moving to a different country is pretty impossible anyway. My dad is good at languages, and my brother is kinda good at languages too, and same with me, but my mom... Really, she's terrible. She only knows a few words in English, she doesn't speak German, she doesn't speak French, actually, the only language she really speaks is Dutch. My dad speaks French, German, English, Dutch and he knows a few words in Italian. My brother speaks English, Dutch, a bit German and he knows a few French words. I speak Dutch, English, a little bit German (I can understand people, I can read things, but I won't understand every single word and I can't really speak it myself) and a little bit French (I can understand quite a few things, but I don't speak it too good). But if I'm willing to learn a new language, then I'd give it my all. And if I'd give it my all, then I could learn it easily. It'd take time, but I can learn it pretty fast if I just want it.
But my mom wouldn't want to move to a different country anyway... Guess I just have to wait... Just 4 more years of school here, and then I can decide myself whether I'm staying in the Netherlands or not.
It's not really that I don't like this house, because I do. I just don't like my town, I don't like my country at all... I just don't feel right here. :/