Playing the piano.

Today my mom woke me at 9 AM to say I could go play the piano at the neighbors today. I was damn tired. ;-; But I did go anyway and I learned 3 (simple) songs. ;3 And I thought I only was there for about 1 hour, maybe not even, in the end she was like "So you played for 2 full hours" I was like "o.O"
But it was fun. ;3 I'd actually like to take the piano to my room but IT'S TOO BIG. xD Well actually it could fit in my room, but then I could never get out anymore. xD But anyway, it was fun. ;3
And after that my mom wanted to buy shoes with me well NO WAY I was damn tired. ;-; Even after some time it became hard to read the notes. o.O And my feet hurt from yesterday. I was going to the forest for a walk together with my parents. ;3 OF COURSE my brother didn't want to go with us. -.- But anyway, I had no good shoes for walking in the forest (or in mountains) so I actually need new shoes, but yesterday I walked on open shoes - bad idea, never do it - and now my feet really hurt. ;-; And I have a big fear for insects. YUCK I hate insects. And when I came home, there were 3 insects in my hair (I started shivering when I got to know that, really, I actually wanted to take a shower but I already did that the morning before, so..) AND my window had been open all the time and we went away for like, 3 hours and then I saw a spider on my window and I saw two flies. No, wait, it weren't flies, it were like, big ants with wings. Ugh, I hate insects. ESPECIALLY wasps. If I even think about insects I start shivering. ;-; BUT IT'S A STUPID FEAR. And guess what, I believe it's my only fear. -.-
Wait... I haven't seen any bees. o.O

Crying in a corner

All I've been wanting to do lately is crawling in a corner and cry. I actually did it a few times. I just can't take my parents, they keep complaining about everything. And yesterday I heard Dennis couldn't be online in the weekend. Sure, fun, being unable to talk to my own boyfriend. Reminds me of Gigantic, just that this isn't really the same way, but in some ways.. It just feels like his parents are taking him away from me. I can't tell, of course, but it just feels that way. Yesterday, when he told me he couldn't be online, I started crying. I guess I cried for 2 hours straight. I guess I couldn't take that. :S
And my computer is being so crappy, especially my mouse is being crappy. Sometimes, when I only click ONCE, it thinks I click TWICE. Well IDIOT it's JUST like you'd start counting with 2 instead of 1, THERE'S A FUCKING DIFFERENCE.
Okay, it really feels like I'm exploding and there's nothing I can do and fjkdhjkadlsk there's no one to talk to BECAUSE EVERYONE IS EITHER TOKEN AWAY FROM ME OR ON VACATION. jkfhdlskhdskhdss

Hate on the weather.

My mom and I wanted to go shopping, but with this weather, no thank you. Ugh. Of course, THIS is the Netherlands. Constantly raining or it's just cold. I don't remember where, but I once saw a picture that was SO true. '"THERE'S SUN"...."Aaaaaaaaaand it's gone" -the Netherlands'. So true. And I hate it so much. But, just two more weeks and then, Italy, here I comeeeeeeeee. :D I still don't know what I'm going to take with me, though. I believe we're going for 8 days. Somewhere near Monaco, my brother said. But well, I'm not good at topography. So.. But I really can't wait. :D I might have Internet there, but I don't think I'd update my blog. I don't think I'm really going to use Internet at all..

And this sausage roll I'm eating tastes HORRIBLE. Yuck.

Waiting, again.

I don't know why I'm doing this, but again I'm waiting for Dennis to come online. I'm so fucking tired, but I don't mind. I can't sleep anyway, I'm still fucking worried. I just hope internet will keep working tonight just in case Dennis will come online. Not that that'll happen, though. I bet he doesn't care. I'm sure he doesn't even know how worried I am. If he did, then he should be online by now. I'm sure he doesn't know I can't sleep because of him now. I just hope he doesn't think I broke up with him. I'm so sick of that now, if I'd want to break up with him, then I'd tell him so. Then I'd just break up with him. I'm not the poor girl who is going to wait for her boyfriend to break up with her.
So, now I even re-installed Skype on my phone just in case it was being weird again. And now, I'm just going to lay here, in my bed, waiting for Dennis to come online even though I know he won't come. Oh, I can't sleep anyway.

Staying awake all night long.

I had no sleep at all. I had been waiting the entire night for Dennis to come on Skype, and after all I regret that... He didn't come, and even if he WAS there, we couldn't talk because I had no internet anyway. It's weird, sometimes my phone tells me I'm logged in on Skype, while I don't even have internet. Internet's been a bitch yesterday and today as well. Yesterday I didn't have internet till 3 PM, and then I didn't have internet from about 10 PM till 4 PM today. Well, guess what, I was SO bored and there was NOTHING to do. I hate it when I have no internet. And now I'm damn tired as well because I didn't have sleep at all. Well even when I tried to sleep it didn't work. I hate being worried. I mean, it kinda means you care for someone, but then still.. When I'm worried, I can't sleep. :/ I'M SO TIRED. And when I'm tired, it's so damn easy to piss me off. :/

In tears

I really hate this. Lately I've been wanting to cry, but I just couldn't. I have no idea why, but I just couldn't and it has been like that for quite a while now. But just now I totally broke down. It's so stupid. My brother doesn't have time for me, my parents don't have time for me, my so-called-friends don't have time for me, my 'Internet-friends' don't have time for me and now even my boyfriend hasn't got any time for me and that just totally broke me down. I don't know what to do anymore. I fucking hate this. No one has time for me, I'm fucking worthless.

Starting a countdown

We're going to Italy on the 1st of August, and since it's 14 hours riding, we'll start riding at the night from the 31th of July. So still 21 days. And since I can't wait to go to Italy again, I'm starting a countdown. ;3
I really love Italy. I've been there twice before and it was awesome. :D I hope they have Gothic shops. Somehow, I see Spain and Italy as countries with a lot of Gothics. o.O NO idea why. But that's pretty awesum. :P But since I wasn't into Gothic clothes back then when we were there in 2007 and 2008, I didn't check if there were any Gothic shops. So now, I really have no idea if there are any. I just hope so. ;o Since I'm no longer the one paying my clothes. :P But Gothic clothes are so expensive. ;-; I wonder why. Fuck them if it's because 'Gothics are different from others', really, fuck the people who think like that. Fuck the people who think you must be depressive, must wish yourself to death or must cut yourself to be a Goth. Really, fuck them. :S

Shopping for bikini's

So today, I went shopping with my mom and I saw two awesome bikini's. *-* But one of the two didn't fit, too bad. :c But the other one did, so now I have another awesome bikini~ :D
I'm ready for the Summer and the beach. :P
I really want to go to the beach. ;-;
But since it's still not sure if my mom has to work the upcoming week, we can't go to the beach and my dad can only go to the beach in the weekend and I don't think he wants to go with just me, and my brother only sticks in the house. Not all the time anymore, though, he sports a lot nowadays and he's finally got a job so he goes outside the house from time to time again. I'm glad. :P
And my mom gave me two old bra's of hers and they're 75B. o.O And I don't even know why I'm saying this. xD

Missing the beach.

In Spring, my dad really wanted to go to the beach, but the weather was terrible, really. It was raining and all. And since I love the beach, and nowadays the weather's quite nice, I want to go to the beach. But due to my moms work, I can't. Last weekend she was free, but I woke up at 12 so I couldn't go to the beach anymore then because it's about 2,5 hours from here. :S
And I have a trauma with some kind of bikini, and since I only have 2 bikini's 1 trust and one bikini where I have a trauma with, I wanted more bikini's so me and my mom are looking for bikini's, but god, it's hard. I can barely find any nice ones. Because they're either boring, or it's the same model as the one I have a trauma with. :/ It's really annoying. But, we found 3 nice ones and they're arriving tomorrow. ;3
Just the thing is, I have A-cup, and I actually really hate that. 14 and barely even A-cup. Most people who I see already have B-cup or whatever. ;-; Yup, I hate my boobs.
Why am I even talking about that? 

My body is being weird.

This morning I woke up, and then I walked downstairs to get some food and when I stood up, my legs started hurting. o.O I don't know why or how.. And when I was eating, it hurt when I was breathing. Okay really, WHAT THE HELL is up with my body these days? This is annoying, yeah?
And I had a nightmare. I dreamed that I went to Dennis' school and I was really loved there and there was this guy, and when we were alone, he was like "I really love you. You're so hot" and I was like; "Eh, you know, I have a boyfriend". And I didn't know Dennis was there, stalking me all day long because he thought I was a player or something. And then that guy said "He doesn't need to know about this" and then he kissed me. o.O Then Dennis ran away in tears and when I went outside I saw him there and she screamed "I break up with you!" And then I started crying and I was like "Why?". AAAAND then he said he saw what happened and then I said something like "After all I've done for you, after all I've said to you AND after all you did for me and said to me, did you REALLY expect me to have another boyfriend?" and then I woke up. Now that dream keeps flashing back in my head. Well fuck that dream.

Where is he when you need him?

It's always that you need someone, RIGHT when they're not there or when they don't have time. ALWAYS.
Okay, Dennis, if you read this; Please send me something on FB or Skype or whatever, because there's something I want to ask you.
And if you don't like the question, or if you think "where the hell does that come from?" Well, BLAME NICKELBACK. o.O

It's so hot.

Usually, it's just about 20 - 25 °C in the Netherlands in Summers, well, I guess. But really, I'm melting here, even when it's just 27 °C here, it's weird.
I haven't really slept in the past days. Well, I have, but not a lot. It was either too hot to sleep or I didn't want to or I was talking to people or I just couldn't fall asleep, no matter what I do. It's really annoying.
And my body's being weird these days. Sometimes I'm suddenly hurt while I didn't do anything, and sometimes it's hard to breathe and, sometimes, when it's just cold, I suddenly get it all warm and start sweating. It's so annoying. :/ I don't know if I actually should go to a doctor, but even so, I wouldn't dare to go to a doctor and honestly, I think my body's just weird. I don't think it's bad or anything.

A life saving song.

My brother and I were playing last Tuesday, and we wanted to listen to music, so I got my phone and searched for songs from Nickelback on Youtube, and since my brother pretty much knows each and every song from Nickelback, I asked which songs were nice. Then we listened to 'Lullaby' from Nickelback and even though I didn't listen to the lyrics at first, I loved it.
Later I searched for the song again on Youtube and now I can't stop listening to it. It's so amazing and really, if anyone ever wants to commit suicide, they should first listen to that song. It's so amazing and really, it saved my life yesterday.

My brother's not happy with me, singing along with it, though. Because 'my voice doesn't match songs from Nickelback'. It's just because that... Singer from Nickelback has got an amazing voice and it just fits the songs and all. *-*
I love Nickelback.
I love Evanescence more, though. But both have great, and meaningful songs. Okay, what even? Apparently, songs can save my life. Wow. I really love music. ;3

And if you have time, listen to this;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HZu0-GQ45k

Wonderful dream

I dreamed that I met up with Dennis and it was really great. I hate that we can't see each others daily and we haven't talked in the past days so I really miss him. :(
And lately I've been so jealous at my dreams, it's so annoying. D:
I might write about that when I have more time.

Snowwhite and the Huntsman

Yesterday, me, Nienke and Eva went to the cinema and we watched Snowwhite and the Huntsman. Really, when Snowwhite ate that apple she took FIVE DAMN MINUTES to die. And did anyone ever look at how Kristen breaths? That's NOT normal in that movie. o.O Really. So me and my 'so called friends' kept making jokes about that.
Yeah, they're still 'so called friends' to me. :/ I didn't want to sleep at Nienke's, but after all I gave it a shoot and I so much regret it. Her mother is nice, really, so that's not it. But Eva was reading all the time and Nienke was only focused on Eva and I, as usual, was ignored. We stayed up till about 3 AM and then Eva just went to sleep, and I didn't feel like talking anymore too, so I went to sleep as well. And well I was freezing all night long. It wasn't even that cold, but I wish I actually did take my blanket with me. I had to share the bed and blanket with Nienke, but Nienke wouldn't share the blanket with me. Thank you.
In short, the movie was nice, but I hated the sleepover. I couldn't wait till I'd go back home.

I hate my mom.

My mom is so annoying. -.-
Two nights ago, a friend of my brother was here and so I didn't want to brush my teeth upstairs, so I went upstairs to brush my teeth. Yeah, my parents want me to brush my teeth downstairs. -.- So later, my mom woke me up and asked me if I even brushed my teeth. So I was like; "Yeah, I brushed my teeth. Just that I brushed them upstairs this time". AND SHE DAMN MUCH DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. Well, bitch, if you won't believe me anyway, then why bother waking me up and ask me? Well? I NEED MY SLEEP TOO YOU DAMN BITCH.
Later she came back in and started to ARGUE with me, well if there's something you should do if you want me to never forgive you, then that'd be argue, fight or insult me. Well NOW you don't need to expect me to be all sweet anymore. I've been sweet my entire life and I'm sick of it. It's unfair. Then I'M just nice, I don't lie, YET people go and be a bitch towards me. Well I'm not going to forgive that bitch anymore. I'm damn much done with it. You should've thought of what you said BEFORE you even OPENED your mouth, because NOW, really, I'm not doing a thing for you anymore, no matter what. Anyone could just try to make up with me, but after a fight, or after someone insulted me you can't make me forgive you unless you don't talk to me until I talk to you. On the other side, I see that as if the person doesn't care at all so then there wouldn't happen a lot more. Well I hate that fucking bitch anyway.

Now this is annoying.

I just walked downstairs to get some drink, and my dad knows that I want to convince him to get a piano. So I walked to the kitchen and then my dad kept looking at me until I went back upstairs. And when I was like "What?" he was like "I'm waiting". :S
I just can't, okay, I can't. I can't convince my dad, I wouldn't know how to convince him at all. I already know that it's going to be a 'no' anyway. My dad's never going to believe me if I'd say I'd keep playing the piano all along and if I'd quit after 2 months, he'd be like "I told you you weren't going to use it for longer than 2 months". And renting a piano and then bringing it back is, in total, more expensive than renting it and keeping it after all, so my parents wouldn't be happy with me at all.
I just don't know what to do. I KNOW I can't convince my dad, but I REALLY want a piano. :/