Let him go...

'Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it’s starts to snow
Only know your love her when you’ve let her go
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know your love her when you’ve let her go
And you let her go.

Right now, I have a little plan. But in my mind, it's already hard. And I think it'll be a thousand times harder in real life.

I'm planning to tell Nicola how I really feel about him. I actually hope that I can see him when I'm in Italy, so then we can hang out for a day. If I'm sure then, that I really love him, then I'd try to confess to him. If I confessed, and he's fine with staying friends without awkward things and all, then I know I can let him go... Even though I want him so so much... I love him enough to let him go...

I love you

For you I'd wait a thousand years, and if you wouldn't be ready then, I'd wait a thousand more. I've never felt so much for someone, really never. I love him so freaking much, but I don't want to tell him what I feel for him through internet. It just feels so heartless. In the Summer vacation, I'm going back to Italy, so maybe, if he's got time, I might see him then. But I bet I'd be too shy to tell him I love him then, and then I'd have to wait another year. I just don't know what to do anymore. ;-; I want him and nobody else...

You have to choose now.

"You have to choose now, do you care more for the guy you loved first, or the guy you love now?" Thank you, Wii 'Lucky day' thingy, for reminding me once again. -.-' Can't I just forget about what happened and move on? I love Nicola, but I can't get him anyway, so I should let him go. Maybe I'll confess once, when we're good friends and I know our friendship can't be ruined. But until then, I'll just be patiently waiting, right here. Even though I don't want to wait... I'm only 14, so...
It would be kinda funny, though. It would be a wonderful story. If I'd like, marry Nicola in the end, and we'd get a kid, and he/she would ask when we fell in love, I could just say "I feel in love with your dad when I was only 14 years old. At first I was only a bit interested in him. He was dancing very funny on the stage, and he seemed really friendly. The last day that I was in Loano 2, I asked him for a hug. I just had to, and since then I was very sad because I couldn't see him. Every time I talked to him on Facebook, I just got so happy and I wanted to be able to hug him every single day. I wanted him and only him, and in the end, I got him".
I want to be able to say that. I want to be able to say that I knew he were the one for me, I want to prove myself wrong, that he does care about me, and that he does love me...

So pissed off right now.

Some people really know how to get me freaking pissed. -.- I didn't want to have to do this, but it's his own freaking fault. I guess people really start to hate me these days. That one says I'm not good enough, the other one just has no contact with me anymore, and then there's one that only ruins your mood. And then, there's only one left, who isn't home at the moment and who probably won't be online until after new year.

Reminds me, Merry Christmas and a happy new year everybody. Best wishes for 2013.

I decided I'm going to learn Italian. Not with paid things, though, so I have my doubts if it'll work out right. xD Also, I'm on this site - Penpal-Gate - where I'm trying to get contact with Italian people, to see if I can make any friends, and then maybe some of them can help me. :) I already found one girl who is willing to help, and I'm talking to another girl right now. ^.^

I want to stop ruining my life.

I've totally ruined my life, and now I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have friends who live nearby and sometimes, I'm a total bitch. The only thing I do outside of my house and outside of my school, well, that are my voice lessons. Every day is the same, except for Mondays: school - (voice lessons -) computer - bed - school - (voice lessons -) computer - bed etc. It makes me sad, but I can't blame anyone, I'm the one who ruined my own life and now I just don't know how to get it better.
I think my computer won't work for so much longer anymore. When I turn it on, it doesn't work properly, so then I have to turn it off and then back on again, and I have to do that for about 5 times till it works... And as soon as it doesn't work anymore, I don't want it to get repaired, I'll just have to live without a computer for a few weeks then... And after that, I might buy a laptop. I just don't have a choice, besides, my parents wouldn't pay for it anyway.
I just want to be able to look in the mirror and say "I'm proud of myself", and that I actually mean it. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I only think about how I neglect myself, and how I ruin my life by being behind the computer almost 24/7 and how I have no real friends, who also live close to me, where I can go to when I'm down.
I just don't know what to do anymore.