Okay I have to admit this: I never thought I would feel ugly just because I have a handsome boyfriend (okay everyone has their own opinion, to me he's handsome). So just now I saw his PPG picture and I was like *melts*, but what sucks right now is that my mind is like "Oh, you're having a good time? You're this close to being happy? Give me a second, I'll ruin it all for you!" because seriously. Now I sit here like "But why did he update it? Like does he want to impress someone? Would he be dating someone else? Or is he trying to do that?" and it's like SHOOT MY GODDAMN MIND, WAKE UUUUUUUUP! .__________________________________.
Seriously though. Right now I'm more like "Well fuck. I'm ugly and I have a handsome boyfriend. Well I'm screwed now". Like the chance of losing him is like 1000000000000000000000000000000000000%, if not to someone on PPG, then someone in real life. Okay wow, this would so explain why I don't let him go. No, but seriously. Sometimes I wonder if someone ever saw me and thought "Oh, she's quite pretty". Why do I even wonder? No one thinks that. They just walk by and look at me like "Oh she looks weak, easy to hurt, and she can't even take care of herself". Well no, I can't. Okay and now I'm crying. I seriously hate this, why can't I have a good side, like everyone else? Why can't I be pretty? Why can't at least my hair do what I want? And why the hell does my mind work like this? I'm ruining my own life and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. If it's not about my mind deciding to think so stupid about things, then it's the feeling of just wanting to sit in a corner, cry my eyes out and do absolutely nothing for days. It doesn't matter how many hobbies I have, I just have that feeling most of the time. Like if I could, I would go sit in a corner now, cry my eyes out, wishing to disappear so everyone whose freedom I took will have it back, so people don't know this complaining girl anymore. I hate this. I'm out of ideas.
No comments:
Post a Comment