But what if...

Right now I'm kinda wondering if I would actually become the person I always wanted to be. It's kinda weird if you think about it, you know... I became the person I never wanted to be - and the person I still don't want to be. So what would happen if I would change? What would happen if I'd finally become the person I want to be? I don't know. And I have no idea where to start either.
Also, I guess I'm just afraid people won't like me anymore. The weird thing is that I'm pretty sure I'd like myself more, and that counts too, right? But I just don't want people to hate me. And people seem to hate others fast in my school - as soon as you're even a little bit different, they don't fully seem to accept you anymore. They make fun of you.
In the first class, 2 years ago, I was silent. I didn't talk at all unless someone else was talking to me. Actually, I only talked if Eva (a girl I know) or if teachers were talking to me. Otherwise I just wouldn't say a word. That was because in the beginning of the year, I was ill. I had an earache in the first weak and my throat hurt. And so, I didn't feel like talking. But I wanted to change when I went to secondary school, and I expected that I would change. You know, that I'd finally get more friends and a best friend you can have fun with and all that... Instead things just went wrong. I was in a class with terrible people when it comes to how they acted towards me. I was very quiet, and that actually was because I was quiet at first and because of that people started bothering me, they started to make fun of me, and so I only got more insecure and when I wasn't ill anymore, I didn't say a word either.
That didn't exactly change. Last year I always sat next to Nienke - someone who was a friend of mine. We had fun and thanks to her, I got a bit less insecure and I talked a lot more than I did before. Thanks to her I met Anise, Joy and Elise. I think Joy is the most amazing of all, but I'm a bit annoyed because everyone likes Joy most, and everyone wants to be around her all the time. I don't seem to mean anything to them, they usually just forget about me, or when I talk they don't seem to hear me.
I wish things weren't like that, you know.. Most people have 'that one annoying friend' and 'that pretty friend' and all that. Right now I feel like I'm 'that ugly and annoying friend', and if I have to be honest, sometimes I wish I was the pretty friend, but I'm not. Far from.
And now one positive thing - doesn't make everything fine but alright - a few days ago, I rode home with Annelien (she lives in a village which is very close to my house) and she told me that I seemed like the kind of girl who has lots of talents nobody knows of, and yeah, I never thought of that to be honest. I just don't think I'm talented, and if I am, I wonder what my talents are.