I've been thinking.

As there isn't much more to do for me, I just started talking to myself again and all, and that brought me to the death of Rue; I just watched the Hunger Games and I really didn't want Rue to die, however, I already knew she'd die. When I read the book, I also started crying when I read about her death. So when I watched the movie, I cried, too. It's too obvious to me. I always cry with that kind of things. Just, Rue was so cute, too.
Anyway, back to the point. It made me think about my own life, weird enough. It brought me back to my suicidal thoughts. It made me think about how no one needs me, not now, not ever, I could wait forever for it to get better, but I just know it won't. I've tried finding someone who needs me, so I went through almost everybody I know;
My family;
My mother - Gah, she hates me. I wonder why she didn't throw me outta the house yet.
My father - He called me childish. It wasn't sarcastic. He told me he hated me. Nor that was sarcastic.
My brother - Hah, why'd he ever need me? He hates me, not like a brother, you know, just hate.
My cousins, uncles and aunts and grandparents- they barely even know me anymore.
Then my two 'friends', they couldn't care less if I was gone.
Then my 3 'Internet friends', well;
Dennis - I just don't know it anymore. It doesn't feel like I make sense to him, though.
Lucia - it's just that she texted me last night that I know she knows I still exist. We never talk, says enough. Just as everyone else pretending to like me, she doesn't really like me.
And then finally, Luzzie. Yup, she doesn't know me anymore. She doesn't care a sh-t, and yes, excuse me for my language. I bet that if I'd die now, she couldn't care less. No, I don't bet, I know. I know, because it's a damn fact. Again, excuse me for my language.
Just it shows enough, no one cares. I had about 2 reasons to stay alive; 1. I had a pinkiepromise about not dying until Luzz and I had a sleepover. We've had that sleepover now, so that's a reason less 2. Pretty much my teacher. He's nice, he knew how I felt. Until today, I noticed.
So really, what am I living for now? Nothing? Then what's the point? No one cares anyway, nor do I anymore. I just wonder, what exactly is keeping me alive now?