I just want to say sorry.

I've been too selfish lately without even noticing it. I've hurt people I never meant to hurt, people who are keeping me alive, people who actually cared about me but I never dared to believe them, too scared they'll end up breaking my heart. But in the end, I'm the one breaking other people's hearts and I never meant to.
So first, my parents.
They didn't know what I said about them. I love them, I do. Just at times I don't realize it. I went shopping with my mom, for shoes, and I didn't want to go at all. But after all, it really was fun.
Next, my 2 school friends.
I might not see them as real friends, but if we weren't real friends, they wouldn't hang out with me in school. They'd completely ignore me, perhaps, or talk about me behind my back, which they haven't.
Then, Dennis.
I'd been so confused lately and I didn't watch my words. This is perhaps the 3rd time I didn't watch my words and hurt him. I didn't mean to. Just.. So much happened lately and I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't realize what I was saying.. I didn't mean most things of what I said... Honestly, I want to tell my parents about it. So badly. I just.. Can't dare to do it.. My mom once asked me about it, and I lied to her.. That's when I knew I just had to tell my teacher about it, because it had been eating me inside.
Then at last, but never least as they say, Luzzie.
We hadn't been talking in ages so all I wanted to do was ignoring her because I just knew she didn't want to talk to me. At all. Otherwise she had talked to me after what I posted on here, but she didn't. However, who even said she had time? Who even wastes time on a girl like me, who will end up hating life anyway? Any of our conversations turn into a fight and it made her think once, that our last time would be fighting. But I didn't care. I didn't care because I thought she didn't care, too, but this morning I realized that I actually just hurt them.. I hurt both Dennis and Luzzie.
It's kinda weird, but it made me ashamed. Ashamed to ever talk to them again. Now I've got no idea what to do. I just want to die. But there's one thing I want, one thing before dying.
I want to have those protective arms around me. Those protective arms I haven't had around me ever since my mom had cancer. I miss those protective arms around me, because I haven't had them since 2006. I need them. But I don't have them and I'm still waiting for them to come and reach out for me. Just that I don't know whose it'll be, and when they'll come. But I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting right here.