I hate myself.

OKAY today was just another boring school day.
It might sound weird, but I don't even hate school that much. I just hate my schooltime right now because I have such a stupid and annoying class and they know how to freak me out, they just don't see it because I never show it.
Like, school's boring, but not really stupid. I quite like my subjects, I think I even like them all but Dutch and maths. And I really LOVE music. My favourite subject, especially since my teacher is so nice. ^^ English would equal music, but I hate that teacher so much. She's arrogant. No lie.
Anyway, I don't know if I've told anyone about it, but my two friends sing a lot. Okay, so one has had 6 years of singing lessons and my other friend just sings the whole day long. It just gets me so jealous, because no, I wouldn't EVER dare to sing with anyone around but my singing teacher. She's there to help me with singing, after all. She tells me I sing pretty good. And today, I had music, and we were singing and Eva, my friend who sings all day long, apparently heard me. Two years ago we sung together a lot, at my home, though. So back then, she knew how I sung. But she hasn't heard me sing since then. Well, not until today. She heard me singing (probably she was the only one to hear me, because I don't talk, nor sing hard, afraid of what others think) and she was like; "Wow Linda, you've REALLY improved a lot since last time".
Well yeah, that was 2 years ago. And I have singing lessons since this year. -.-'
But I just won't believe her. I recorded myself a few days ago and I sound horrible. Okay, when I record stuff with my phone, everything /does/ sound differently, but really.
And now you might think; "Well that's all fine, but why the ~ do you hate yourself?" I DO, I hate myself so much; I'm annoying, I never talk, but when I do I make people hate me for my weirdness, I'm rude (not that anyone really knows. I talk a lot about others in my head, I say mean and rude thinks, but no one knows) and GAH, so shy. I hate it. I hate it all. And I'm ugly. There's no single way I can be pretty. Not even up-side-down. BUT, what I hate about me too, is that I NEVER dare to sing with others around. I want it so badly, and today, I was about to sing and BAM, I just couldn't dare. I don't have enough faith in myself for it, but I want it so badly. Everyday that I don't sing with others around, is another stupid day. As in, I hate that I don't dare to sing around. But who is there to teach me? No one. I know what thought I'm supposed to have. "I'm singing. I like it. What does it even matter what others think?" It just won't happen. :/