Okay so right now it feels like if I'm happy, things will be fine, but I'm not very happy right now so yeah. But then it feels like if I'm sad, things will go wrong and stuff so then I would be more broken and I'd put pressure on others, but now this stuff is putting pressure on me. I just don't get it. I thought I wouldn't go back to the point where I'd just be sad out of nowhere and without a real reason, annoying others with it and taking at least one big risk without really realising it... Fuck being back at that point, this is just really annoying.
Now I can go spend the night worrying about stuff, great... Well it's not like I'm able to fall asleep fast anyway, whenever I decide to just finally go straight to bed instead of listening to music first, I end up sleeping later than I would have if I would've listened to music. It's kinda weird, but on the other hand it isn't because music calms me down.
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