Okay so I feel like shit and I'm shivering and I feel like I need to throw up and I'm crying my eyes out while it's partly impossible and I can't get control of breathing and I just want to crawl up in my bed and cry and wait till the end. I don't want this, I didn't know it hurt so much, I really didn't.
I guess this is partly why I was so mad about Rastede, and why I was so nervous today. I saw it coming, but it didn't help. Just as with my guinea pig, I saw it coming that he would die soon, but when he did, it still hurt as hell. I don't want this. I just don't...
I knew it. People can't love me. I do something to ruin it, whether I want it or not...
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