I've been crying for almost two hours

I'm getting sick of myself right now. So I've been crying for quite some time and now I have a headache and I don't want it to be tomorrow or the day after or the day after... Right now, I admit it.. I feel like whenever I said I wanted to kill myself, I did kinda want it, but nothing made me do it. Right now it feels as if only one little bad thing needs to happen, and then I'm over the edge. I don't want this anymore. I have too many feelings and it's too much to deal with already... Imagine what that would be like as an adult, I would never survive, I already feel like giving up now...
It just hurts... He was perfectly fine without me, he's perfectly fine right now, he doesn't really need me, while I'm lying here with a huge headache, trying to stop crying but I just can't because I feel like I lost him and he doesn't need me and I fucked up and it's just too much. I never knew love could be this painful for just one person, while the other person is perfectly fine. How is it possible you fall in love with someone who doesn't need you nearly as much as you need them?