It's painful

Do you know how painful it is to feel like you're giving up more and more and you can't stop yourself? Like you're losing control over yourself and your life? I can tell you it's goddamn painful. I can barely get myself out of my bed these days, not because it's warm or comfy but really because I don't want to face the world alone.
I don't want to face the world alone, but there's no one to help me. Dennis isn't there, not anytime soon because he's busy. It's not like I'm looking for someone to replace him at all but if there's anything I know, then that's that he'll be the only one who could possibly love me, the only one who wanted to be with me. If he'd break up with me, I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I know no one would like me that way, because why would they?
This was another day on which I felt useless.